Someone isn’t always what you see on social media


I’ve pretty much cried 10 out of 14 days the past two weeks. Different things just trigger it. Each years the same as fall arrives and my birthday nears I instantly get sad. This year it came a little later but I wasn’t able to to avoid it completely.

There is so much going on with my mom, dad & sisters that it really took a toll on me. I worry so much. If your new my parents are alcoholics & drug abusers. They are both homeless but my moms been lucky and has been able to stay with one of my sisters. My dad always ended up here but some stuff went down and he’s no allowed to stay anymore.

It’s just sad. Breaks my heart. I have always wanted my mom and will never accept that it’s just not gonna happen. I miss my sisters, and my niece & nephews. I think the holidays are the hardest because I constantly see family’s doing things together. Girls shopping with their moms. Siblings together having a great time. It’s tears me up inside.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I have amazing family and great friends who keep me up but my mom is my mom and nothing will repair what’s been broken/taken from me.

I’ve cried three times today while thinking of my own children. They are my world and I will do everything I can to give them what I didn’t have. Most importantly a relationship with me. I hope in the future I’m spending holidays with them and they’re thankful for me. I pray they never feel the way I feel. So empty and so alone.

I’m hoping that the plans we have quickly approaching will help me stay cheery this holiday season. I’m looking forward to many things with my own little family.


Ten on Tuesday

Wow time is really flying!

1. Thanksgiving is next week. If I’m being completely honest the holidays are so hard for me. It doesn’t help that Jon works this year on thanksgiving and Christmas. I’ve already decided that we won’t be getting all done up and going anywhere on Christmas. I just want to stay home and relax with my kids while they enjoy all their new stuff. I’ll probably even make tacos : )
2. I wish blogging wasn’t last on the list but I just have so much going on I suppose! The last month in my planner is quickly filling up and while I’m excited for it all I’m trying to relax on my downtime.
3. Football ended. We lost in the playoffs but the boys did great! We have a team party in December and I was responsible for collecting money and getting the team mom a gift. The coach met me Monday and we chose a pandora bracelet and three charms. I actually would love to have one now.
4. Gymnastics is going great & basketball starts December 15th. I’m excited for that to begin!
5. I’m completely obsessed with all things Victoria secret right now! I wish I could win a shopping spree there for sure!!!
6. THE SCALE. It finally moved. But then I didn’t go three days in a row to the gym! Come on Heather!!! I swear it’s taking a life time to hit my third goal and loss of 15lbs!
7. My birth control expires next year which ultimately brings up the question of whether or not we’re going to have more or not. Jon is all for it but I’m super content with our life right now.
8. I got a pallet wall quote thing made! I’m super excited about it and pick up tomorrow. And ordered one canvas thus far for the living room. I can’t wait to hang them both together! Merry Christmas to myself, don’t tell the hubby ; )
9. I recently got my hair done and have been loving it except I cannot master the wave yet and need a wand type curling iron ASAP so I can practice!

10. It’s getting cold here. I don’t mind it to much but I did set up and plug in our heated blanket tonight. Can’t wait to turn that on in the mornings!

10 On Tuesday!

Another Tuesday is here.

1. Wine. Give me all the wine.
2. Were in the playoffs so Monday was weigh ins and tonight was practice. Another practice tomorrow before the game Thursday! And if we win Thursday the championship game is Saturday! Tired yet? I am!
3. Thursday game = Chloe misses gymnast is. Damnit!
4. I’m still at – 13lbs. I tried hard last week and lost the 2lbs I had gone up so no overall difference but really hoping to loose atleast another lb this week! Once I hit 15lbs I can reward myself with new shoes!
5. Hair appt tomorrow! I went for a consult with a new girl and made an appt but didn’t ask details. Price etc so I’m kind of scared! Hair is expensive and we are really stretching the funds right now.
6. My favorite thing at Christmas is chocolate covered cherries. I saw some at cvs and got a box. Well let’s just say that half the box was gone in less than a day. Not good. Haha.
7. Sunday is out first “dinner date night.” With Jon working all the time and us being so busy with everything that goes on with the kids I decided we needed time just us even if it was 2 hours for dinner. Our regular babysitter is coming and keeping the kids while the hub and I attend dinner alone without kids and constant interruptions. I swear the older they’ve got the louder they are.
8. I’m having a really hard time buying the kids anything for Christmas. They just don’t need anything or really want much. We cleaned out Chloe’s room today and got rid of quite a bit. I did purchase this for Chloe. She loves animals and I think it’s one of those things she doesn’t see or know about but will love to have.

9. I took some exchanges back and got myself a new zip up hoodie at the Gap and I’m in love. Yes I LOVE it. It’s perfect and exactly what I wanted/needed. I had a 40% coupon so paid like 10 bucks. That’s the best part!
10. Is it bedtime yet? I think so! These kids need to go to bed and so do i. Oh wait I mean wine. I’m gonna watch bad tv and drink wine! Goodnight

Ten on Tuesday

It’s that time again! My favorite & easiest post : )

1. Today was a blah day. I woke up in a bad mood. I worry about my friends a lot and have lots of stress of my own. Made for a long morning!
2. The kids got their report cards today and I have short conferences with each teacher. They are doing great! I’m so proud of them both!
3. Jonathan made his Christmas list. An Alfred Morris signed football, an orioles jersey and a mini iPad. I know what your all thinking an iPad? But he’s 7. What 4 and 5 year old isn’t asking for one too? I was more shocked by the autographed football and had no idea how I or well Santa was going to deliver on that. But through family & friends we were able to snag an autographed football and I am so EXCITED! I can’t wait to see his reaction on Christmas!
4. I fell off the bandwagon for a while but have started watching the Duggers again. I love watching the court ships and marriages begin. I’m excited to watch the older girls began their own families.
5. Thanks to another blogger Shannon Dew I have also started watching True Tori. I use to Tori spelling but she is cray! I love the realness of this show but girlfriend looks horrible.
6. Christmas is upon us and I’m not ready to accept it.
7. I have all these plans and all I wanna do is lay in bed or on the couch. I’m a go getter and love to be on the go but recently I just want everyone to come to me. Except I haven’t had many takers, and my best friend is so far away.
8. Speaking of my best friend. I miss her like crazy. We text all the time and I see her as much as I can but I miss her. I only have a few friends I actually really like hahha.
9. Weightloss and gym is no change. Still 13lbs down but I want more. So far I’ve gone to the gym everyday this week but were only a couple days in. I have spin tomorrow morning and a planned grocery trip. I need to buckle down. We’ve been eating out a lot.
10. The kids had photos taken for fall. And I LOVE them. ALL.OF.THEM. But now I can’t decide which ones to put on canvas for above the couch! Grr. So frustrating.


Pumpkin patch 2014

I might be back tracking all week but it will feel good to be caught up.

October 26th we went to the pumpkin patch. It was our last chance and I’m so glad we went and made it work. With the hubby’s schedule it makes it so hard to do things at times especially when were already so busy.

We went to a local patch we hadn’t been to in a few years and had a blast! The kids loved everything! They had so much to do. We knocked out the maze first, then did a tractor ride. Once done that the kids slid through slides, played in a corn box and jumped in huge straw pits!

Fall is my favorite and I’m so glad we made the best out of all the time we had this year through October! We made a lot of memories. Sometimes being busy causes us to stress and some times we don’t enjoy events and plans as much as we should. But this year we really did well as a team and knocked out a lot.





















Disney on ice presents Frozen!

I didn’t think twice about going to this until it was almost playing near us. And then I really wanted to go. Luckily I got my friend to agree in coming and off we went with our little girls.

It was such a cute show! We all enjoyed it! My camera died right as she began to sing “let it go” which sucked but that’s just my luck.

We had cotton candy and enjoyed some snacks. They girls each got to pick a souvineir as well. Chloe picked Elsa gloves that lit up and they stopped working after we left. Luckily my friend suggested emailing them. I did and got the nicest email back. They are mailing Chloe a new set! I have always been a fan of these shows, we’ve seen a lot of them and the way they handled this for me was amazing. I’m so pleased and I know Chloe will be so happy when they arrive.

If you haven’t gone to a Disney on ice show I highly recommend.

A few pics : )




















Ten on Tuesday!

1. I have to share this! I never notice change until I compare! Hello selfies! 13lbs down and really hoping to loose another 7.

2. Halloween is almost here! I can’t wait to dress the kids up and go trick or treating. I love this time of year.
3. We’ve been having awesome weather! 79 today! It’s gorgeous out!
4. While I’m excited for this time of year and the holidays I am in no way shape or form ready for Christmas. I don’t even care about Xmas right now.
5. Chloe is going back to gymnastics! Finally! Thursday night we will be there and I know she is so ready to be back in the gym!
6. I have to go grocery shopping this week and always dread it when I know I need everything!
7. Jonathan is all signed up for basketball. It starts December 15th and goes until March 14th. I’m so excited for it. I love how we keep the kids busy and stay so involved.
8. Speaking of involved. I volunteered to do the break away banner for
Football homecoming this weekend. The hubby had a great idea and is working on it now. I can’t wait to show the team! I’m also volunteering at the school book fair this Thursday. My favorite quote “it is better to be busy than bored.”

9. We have two more games left and the coach told us tonight it looks like well be going to the play offs in November. SO EXCITED AND PROUD OF OUR BOYS!
10. I always have an idea of what I want for my bday, but then when I get the money/giftcards I can’t get myself to use any of it. Haha. One day I’ll cave and buy myself some new things.

Update on Jr.’s football team!

They had a couple rough games but last Saturday they proved themselves and beat a team that seemed to be at there exact playing level. It was a good game. I get so into the games. It’s really so much fun and a great experience for us as a family. We love sports & it just gets more fun as they get older. Football was rough in the beginning, a lot of work and responsibility but now that it’s almost over with just three more games til playoffs I’m finding myself sad. I don’t want it to end.