It comes every now and then. Everything is great and then it’s like BAM! Face plant!
I met with me trainer today! In the beginning of the year I asked for help. Having hit a stand still in my fitness journey and after two months of really trying not much has changed! It was really hard to stand there and not break down in that moment when she’s measuring me and weighing me and I’m seeing that not much has changed. I think the trainer herself was even surprised/shocked.
My arms changed in size the most. Really the only thing to had changed. My waist and hips were the same maybe even an inch bigger. Now I lost 4lbs body fat and gained 4lbs muscles but overall was only down not even 2lbs.
What’s worse is that I felt so great and thought I was loosing, I was confident going today only to be shot down. All my hard work for nothing!
Then we attempt to work out and I over did it last week and my legs are shot! Hamstring hell! Stretching is so painful! Hoping I make class tomorrow and can progress after she worked with me today in loosing my muscles back up.
I’m just so upset. I talked to my husband about it and I can make myself believe that this is all okay by saying things like “I like my legs and muscles good”, or “I’m not trying to be smaller I’m just toning.” But it doesn’t last long before I’m crying and beating myself up. He asked “who are you trying to impress?” It immediately pissed me off. I’m not trying to impress anyone. I’m doing this for me! I want to feel good! I wanna do so many things I allow this image of myself to hold me back from doing. It sucks so bad! It’s like doing this awesome job and getting no recognition for it. I know I’ve lost weight and I know I look better but I’m not where I want to be and having not changed in a period where I feel I kicked my ass just doesn’t make sense to me.
I have cut out so many things and while I don’t eat perfect I don’t feel as though I have to starve myself either or eat lettuce and chicken everyday if I’m working out and staying so active.
I don’t know where to go from here. It’s hard moving forward I know I will but the want I have to quit is strong!
I’m hoping this week gets better!